Since the moment we are born we experience a need for relationship to our parents or caregivers.
We come from oneness, from being one with our mother, and through the pain of birth we realize in a deep sense that death is immanent and so there’s a split into the meaning of being.
To contemplate the temporality of our existence at each moment is to experience life, relationship and duality. Having a physical body and awareness that the other is separate from the I, gives the possibility to relate with another. It is from our separateness that we move into unity.
The movement, the desire for unity starts once we sense the separateness from the other. The process of finding oneness, of feeling complete, becomes a life’s journey.
Experiencing the seemingly separation from oneness in relationship with the other is part of coming back into your own. According to relationality theory, human beings become human beings through attachments to and internalizations of their caregivers and the particular culture they embody.
Each person has a various ways in which to relate to another, these ways in which we relate are difficult to discern because of our embeddedness into our relations with others.
The process of relatedness to the other develops mainly through our experiences with our Mother, Father and other caregivers. The infant has a motivation, a need to relate to the Mother (Father and other caregivers) for survival, when the child is fulfilled, a state of relatedness is established.
The child establishes an attachment to those who provide intimate care which motivates the child to create relationships. And so with time the child develops certain attachment forms that will influence the way, he/she bonds with others throughout life.
The quality of the link established by parent and child will dictate in many ways the type of bonding that the child is capable of having once he/she is an adult. The quality of our attachment in relationship to others is based on learned patterns that are a result of our childhood experiences.
The ways we bond to others are in great part conditioned by previously learned forms of attachment. It is in a conscious way to relate to others that we become aware of patterns, conditioning and more open forms of relatedness.
It is important to understand how we develop our abilities and tendencies to relate to others as a skill to observe the arising modes according to the different contexts.
This knowledge in alliance with the intention to be mindful in relationship supports us into being present to the illusory and real aspects of being in togetherness. It is in relationship that we discover and become the miracle of “We”, surrendering into the togetherness of you and I.